Dashboard
My Interpersonal Pattern
A live document, not a form you finish once. Come back and update it whenever something interpersonal lands — the pattern becomes visible over time. Private by default.
This model is a way to explore a possible recurring cycle, not proof that one person caused the interaction. Interpersonal behavior is transactional — another person’s behavior also has its own causes, context and choices.
Update it whenever you notice
An interpersonal difficultyConflictDiscomfortAnxiety about an interactionFeeling rejectedFeeling criticizedFeeling controlledFeeling ignoredFeeling abandonedA familiar interpersonal reactionA recurring relationship problemSomething that reminds you of earlier interpersonal experiences
1
Acts of the Self Toward Others
- •A plan I was looking forward to was changed at the last minute
- •I said it was fine, then went quiet and answered in short sentences
- •I thought: if I say how I feel it will turn into a fight
- •I felt hurt, then numb
- •I wanted them to notice something was wrong and ask
Pulling awayActing overly agreeableAvoiding conflictBecoming demandingSeeking reassurance
2
Expectations of Others’ Reactions
- •I expected them to get irritated and defend themselves
- •I expected them to feel annoyed that I’m difficult
- •I was afraid they’d decide I’m too much work and pull back
- •I believed their reaction would mean needing things makes me a burden
“They will judge me.”“They will reject me.”“They will get angry.”“They will leave.”“They won’t care.”
3
Acts of Others Toward the Self
- •They gave me space and stopped bringing up plans
- •They said: “Let me know when you want to talk.”
- •They responded politely, at a distance
- •It felt like the rejection I predicted, even though they weren’t angry
People keeping their distanceSomeone becoming defensiveSomeone becoming angrySomeone withdrawingSomeone becoming overly accommodating
4
Acts of the Self Toward the Self — Introjection
- •I told myself: this is what happens when you need something
- •I judged myself as too sensitive
- •I concluded it’s safer to expect less
- •I believed it meant I shouldn’t need anyone
“I’m unlovable.”“I’m a failure.”“Nobody wants me around.”“I can’t trust anyone.”“I always screw things up.”
1 → 2 → 3 → 4 → back to 1
Expecting rejectionWithdrawing instead of askingSelf-criticism after distance
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